Photo: Tobi 2008
Looking around at who is driving the new Beetle, it is not hippie-type folks. It is moms. Moms and dorky middle-management types. When I first saw the new Beetle, I thought it was pretty cool, but so did every other uncool person. That seems to be who is driving it now.
Does anyone remember the original purpose of the Beetle? Volkswagen means the "People's Car." To me, People's Car means low-priced. It meant low-priced when the first Beetle arrived in the US - it was $1500! In today's money, a mere $10,500. That is a far cry from the near $18,000 the new Beetle costs.
When you add it up, the New Beetle equals lame.
9. Scion xB
Photo: Houston Helix
The Scion xB was billed as a customizable car for youngin's, "The Scion xB's marketing is aimed at Generation Y, Americans born between 1980 and 1994" (Wikipedia). However, today, you are more likely to see mom-types (just like the aforementioned Beetle) than a Gen Y person. Just today I saw a mid-60s woman rolling around in her yellow Scion xB with Enkei rims. I forget... are 60-year-old women Generation Yers?
8. Saturn Astra
Photo: GM Blogs
I am always bemoaning the fact that American car manufacturers seem to be following the herd as opposed to leading it (cf. The Ford Flex is Whack). This is a most egregious example. The Saturn Astra is made in Belgium by Opel and exported to the United States and sold as a so-called "American" car.
Maybe the worst thing about this is that the Astra has been a running joke in the UK for years (read: Top Gear) where it is known as the Vauxhall Astra. It is their police car and on one of the most recent episodes of Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson was completely embarrassed by an American police-chase program because of the hideousness of the UK's police cars.
Good job GM! Way to bring one of the worst cars from overseas to America! Did I mention it is ugly?
7. Hummer
Photo: Fire and Light
The Hummer hasn't always been uncool. I wanted one so bad when I was fifteen that I almost bought a military surplus Hum V for the princely sum of $5000 - that would have been a steal! However, with the rise of gas prices, the Hummer has become a pariah in the US. Just search Hummer on flickr and you will find no less than three people flipping off Hummers in pictures in the first few pages (just trust me on this one).
It is blatant consumption as one flickr user pointed out. Wouldn't a VW Golf be so much better to drive?
6. Toyota Prius
Photo: Dr. Prius
This selection is going to be controversial. A lot of people like the Prius. I have to admit that I have no problem with the car - well, it is a little ugly - but the drivers ruin this car. All one needs to do is watch the episode of South Park entitled, "Smug Alert", and one will find all the fodder ever needed to throw at the owners of this automobile.
Leonardo DiCaprio is a pretty cool guy, right? He drives a Prius; how can that make it bad? Leo likes to tell people how to live their lives. He has on occasion had a good thing to say, but he also flies in a private plane instead of commercial. If you don't know, that is really bad for the environment. That makes him a giant hypocrite.
I hate even writing about it. Prius owners are such kill-joys that I can't even have fun writing about what a lame car it is.
Prius owners just like the smell. That is all.
5. Chrysler 300
Photo: AJ82
This is really hard for me to say: the Chrysler 300 is lame. There, I said it. It doesn't have to be lame but it is. First off, it is rubbish to drive. It can't turn at all. Second, it is reasonably fast, but not when one considers the size of the engine that it needs to push it to the speeds of which it is capable. That has nothing to do with why it is lame though. In fact, when Lee Iacocca said in GQ - "I have a Chrysler 300. Nice car. A fully loaded luxury car for $35,000. That’s a good value." - I agreed. $35,000 for a luxury car is a good value. That is the gateway to its lame demise though. The 300's drivers are able to buy one and still have cash for rims and accessories to make it look like a toy.
I wish I could just say the drivers are lame.
4. Chevy Cobalt
Photo: Delta Mike
Short answer: The google street-view pole actually makes it look better.
3. Ford Flex
Photo: Ford
In an earlier post I said: "The Ford Flex is another example of America not innovating, but reacting to Scion. Is this anything more than a design that was played-out two years ago when Scions stopped looking innovative?" We have already gone over Scion, Flex is too new for drivers to be annoying or a weird demographic. We'll have to wait to see how that pans out.
Here are the top three reasons this car is lame: 1) Ugly 2) Rubbish fuel economy 3) SUV that is useless off-road.
More here: Ford Flex
2. Chevy HHR
Photo: ESA
A car that pretends to be our number one car on our list (see below for number one)? Please. Enough said. And finally, our number one lamest car:
1. PT Cruiser
Photo: BrainToad
The PT Cruiser is the ugliest car in history. Chrysler, Plymouth, Dodge has had a long history of making cars look dated really, really, quickly. Can you think of a Dodge design that has held up for more than a couple years? Maybe the Crossfire, but Benz helped with that. Every Dodge looks dated within two years. So CPD had an idea with the PT - "Let's make a car that looks dated RIGHT NOW! YEAH!" Well, my friends, they succeeded.
More PT Fun: PT Cruiser - Worst Looking Car in History?
* Did you spot a whack car or does your friend drive a whack car? Send me an email with the picture attached and it could be featured in my next post! Write: yourcariswhack@gmail.com
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